Question by Trevor: I need help… my appearance is killing me.?
I just can’t take it anymore, I’m so depressed all the time. My face is covered with acne and scars, the skin around my eyes is thin and causes severe dark circles, my nose is ugly, and the overall texture of my skin is just unbelievably bad. I spend hours looking in the mirror, I don’t see myself, I see an ugly monster. It eventually leads to suicidal thoughts and cutting myself too, then crying and then the urge to go through with the suicidal thoughts(I’ve came close a few times). Looks mean everything to me, and in this condition I cannot stop thinking about it. I find it hard to go out in public, even though I cake on makeup just to hide my flaws, it still looks extremely bad and you can see them through it. I avoid social situations at all costs, even with my family; I have terrible social anxiety. I dropped out of school last year because I just couldn’t handle the anxiety attacks… and I would almost always end up going home and crying. I don’t want that to happen again this year. I take VERY good care of my skin too (I do hours of research a day to keep up with things, I think I even know more about skin than my dermatologist…), so don’t think it’s that. I’m even on accutane right now to try to clear up my acne completely, I feel like my face will be covered in scars and it will look just as bad afterwards though… and 6 months post accutane I’m getting laser treatment. I have a separate bank account to save up for my nose job I plan to get too, but It’s too hard to get money because I can’t keep a job because I freak out and break down. I’m still wondering what to do about my eyes too, but I plan to ask my derm. I always wonder “Why not just end it all, it’s not going to work out in the end, just like everything else in my life.” because what if the treatments still aren’t satisfying and I still look horrible.
I just don’t see the point of carrying this burden anymore, I’ll never be normal and I just can’t accept that. Even knowing there are people worse off than me is not enough to change my way of thinking, even thinking to myself that things will get better doesn’t work.
The only times I am happy are when I’m sleeping (which I do a LOT of), when I’m watching a good movie, listening to my favorite music alone at home, or masturbating… This needs to stop, I want to be able to live my normal life. I know there is nothing other than physical change that will fix me, but I need someone to talk to… I don’t have many friends.
Just a little additional info:
Age:18
Gender: Male
Best answer:
Answer by itsjujubeans
Are you so ugly on the inside that you can’t bare to live just because you think you are ugly on the outside?
Add your own answer in the comments!
